


Missing You

by DestielInTheFlames



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angst, Castiel’s POV, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Flashbacks, Fluff, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Injuries, Oops, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sad Sam Winchester, Season 13 Based, Supernatural - Freeform, Supportive Sam Winchester, im bad with tags, season 13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-14 17:17:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16045013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielInTheFlames/pseuds/DestielInTheFlames
Summary: Dean said yes to Michael, but what impact is that having on Castiel and Sam? And what exactly did happen in the moments before Dean said yes?





	1. Suffering

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on the end of season 13 and has nothing to do with season 14. Things will obviously go very differently in the show, but here’s my twist on things.
> 
> Here’s the short introduction chapter!
> 
> [These characters are not mine. They belong to Eric Kripke, The CW, and Warner Bros.]

_“Cas, I don’t have a choice!”_  Those words still ring through Castiel’s head. The words before Dean Winchester said yes to Michael and left to go take down Lucifer. Even as he sits here on the floor of the bunker, the words repeat in his head. He can’t find any words to say to Mary. All he can manage is to look up at her with a completely broken expression, give a slight shake of the head, then look back at the same wall he was staring at.

 

Castiel knew if Dean said yes he wouldn’t be returning. Michael would trick Dean into thinking they had a deal, but there was NEVER a deal. It was just Michael manipulating Dean for his own agenda. It doesn’t stop the painful feeling from running through him the second he can feel the switch of power. He felt the exact moment Michael overpowered Dean. It isn’t surprising, but it still hurts Castiel deeply.

 

He doesn’t even know if Sam or Jack are alive. Lucifer is dead. That much he knows. Finding Sam and Jack should be his priority right now.

 

Castiel finally stands up after a minute longer of sitting there. His eyes find Mary watching him with worried eyes along with Bobby. He was already expecting the question that comes next.

 

“What happened?” Mary asks in an almost panicked tone. She glances over at Bobby as if expecting him to have an idea.

 

Castiel forces himself to look at her. She already thought she lost Sam in the apocalypse world, and now he’s not so certain she didn’t actually lose him here. Sam’s gone and so is Dean. Jack is gone. “Lucifer and Jack...they showed up during the fight with Michael. Lucifer stole Jack’s grace before taking him and Sam.” Cas speaks full of empathy for Mary.

 

Mary takes a deep breath before quietly asking, “and Dean?” “Dean said yes to being Michael’s vessel to beat Lucifer and get Sam and Jack back. He...” His words fade. How does he tell her that Dean definitely isn’t returning at any time soon?

 

Bobby and Mary both remain silent. Mary’s expression is purely sadness. Castiel can see it just by looking into her eyes. Bobby’s expression doesn’t show as much sadness, but that’s to be expected seeing as he doesn’t know Sam and Dean very well.

 

It looks like Bobby’s about to say something, but the sound of Castiel’s phone ringing from the table interrupts. Cas quickly walks over to the phone and reads the caller ID. Sam. He glances at Mary right as he answers the call.

 

“Sam..” Cas speaks with a hint of his defensive tone. He can’t be sure it’s actually Sam until he speaks.

 

“Cas!” And sure enough that’s Sam Winchester’s voice coming through the phone. The angel pulls the phone away from his ear, putting it on speaker, then setting it back on the table.

 

Mary and Bobby rush over next to him and the phone. Mary gives a somewhat relieved look to Cas. At least she knows that Sam is alive. That in itself is a win. They all know that.

 

“Sam, are you alright!?” Mary asks, voice a little too loud, but full of nothing but worry. She relaxes after getting confirmation from her son that he’s fine, and so is Jack.

 

Sam’s breathing is heavy in the second of silence, but he clears his throat and speaks, “Dean is gone.”

 

“We’ll get him back.” Castiel replies, but he’s not so sure at the moment how much he believes his own words.

 

“Michael took over, Cas.” Sam says with an angry tone in his voice. “Listen, Jack is bleeding pretty good. We need to get back to the bunker and patch him up.”

 

“We’ll come get you boys.” Bobby volunteers for them.

 

Sam lets out a sigh, “Okay. Sure. But Dean did it. Lucifer is dead.” There should be some sort of relief in his voice or happiness, but there isn’t. Sam sounds distant and cold. “Jack’s not doing too well. I gotta go. I’ll text the address to you, mom.”

 

“We’re on our way.” She’s already halfway out the room when she replies. Bobby is following.

 

Cas hears the click of Sam hanging up, then stands there with conflicted feelings. Dean stopped Lucifer by saying yes to Michael, but look where that got **h** **im**. It’s not unlike Dean to put others before himself. Sometimes it ends awfully for him and he doesn’t even care. This might be one of those times where Castiel both loves and hates him.

 

Sighing, Castiel heads to the guest room. He’s in the hallway that leads to the bedrooms, but his gaze catches the door to Dean’s room. The angel can’t stop himself from opening the door and entering. There’s an eerie silence. Of course he’s been in here by himself, but it’s different when he knows the room belongs to a man that may never return.

 

There’s supposed be to be faith as he stands in middle of Dean’s room. Castiel is supposed to believe they can save him and get him back home. Everything feels impossible at the very moment.

 

Cas sits on the bed, hands clasped in his lap. His eyes linger around the room. The position reminds him almost of praying. He wonders if Dean is praying to him. Perhaps he just can’t receive them with Dean being inside of his own head. What if Dean is praying and praying, trying to reach Cas? What if Dean doesn’t know Cas isn’t hearing anything and thinks he abandoned him? The thoughts alone are driving Castiel mad.

 

His head pounds until he has to close his eyes and lay back. Suddenly, there are distressed voices in his head. Some are more panicked than others. He knows he’s tuning into angel radio. The angels are having mixed reactions. None of them are calm, though. Castiel lays still and listens to the questions running through. He has no answers and none of the other angels do.


	2. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”What.. what exactly happened when Dean said yes? I mean, what did he say to you or did he just say it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic will defintely be 3 chapters. Stick around for the final chapter that will be posted soon.

The screech of the entrance grabs Castiel’s attention. For a split second he’s in defensive mode, ready to pull out his angel blade. But he can hear Jack’s grunts of pain followed by Mary and Sam’s reassuring words that he’ll be okay. He partially relaxes and waits for Sam to appear in the hallway with Jack. Sam has one arm wrapped around Jack, and Mary is on the other side of Jack doing the same.

 

“Castiel..” Jack’s speaks quietly when he spots Cas standing in the doorway of Dean’s room. Sam glances up and Castiel can already see the pain in his eyes. Not physical. It’s emotional pain.

 

Mary and Sam lead Jack into one of the spare rooms, Castiel following behind, and sit him on the bed.

 

“Where is Bobby?” Castiel questions as he sits next to Jack. He examines the blood soaked in Jack’s shirt.

 

“He’s going to warm everyone about Michael.” Mary answers with a frown.

 

Castiel nods, then notices Sam standing quietly by the end of the bed. Cas frowns, but looks back at Jack. “Jack, let me heal you.”

 

Jack gives a slight nod, laying on his back and lifting his shirt to reveal the small wound. Castiel lifts his hand over the wound and focuses as his hand glows. He slowly brings his hand down to brush over the wound, then the glow fades away and Jack’s skin is as good as new.

 

“Are you okay?” Cas asks Jack. Lucifer stole Jack’s grace which means he’s fully human now. It’s deeply worrying. He has been through the same thing and dreaded certain aspects of it. They’ll have to help Jack learn the human ways until they can find a way to restore his grace.

 

Jack sits up, eyes scanning over the freshly patched skin. There’s a look of confusion, but he slowly nods. “I...think so.”

 

After Jack replies, Sam is leaving the bedroom. Castiel quickly decides to follow him out and into his bedroom. The Winchesters are known for making dumb deals for each other. They’ll do anything for each other even if it means they themself pays the price. Sam and Dean would and **have** sacrificed themselves for the other one. If Sam is thinking that way, then he has to put an end to it. Dean wouldn’t want his brother doing anything to get himself hurt or killed. That isn’t what he did this for. Castiel won’t let Sam do anything to cause himself harm.

 

“Sam..” Cas starts as Sam turns around to face him. The Winchester has redness around his eyes as tears threaten to spill.

 

“We did it, Cas. We got rid of Lucifer. I thought...I thought we were in the clear for even just a minute, but Michael..” Sam pauses and takes a deep breath. He runs a hand through his hair before continuing, “Michael took control of Dean’s body and left. Why did you let him say yes?” Sam’s words are shaky, and Cas knows he shouldn’t take offense to his words. The man lost his brother and doesn’t know how to get him back. He’s broken.

 

Castiel frowns deeply, then stares down at the floor. He didn’t **let**  Dean say yes. He tried to stop him. This isn’t HIS fault.

 

Sam sighs and shakes his head. “You could’ve convinced him not to.”

 

They both know that isn’t true for multiple reasons. Dean is stubborn and you can’t change his mind when it comes to saving the people he cares about most and saving the world.

 

“I tried!” Castiel snaps, glaring up at Sam. “You don’t think I tried to stop him? Remember when Dean broke out of the panic room at Bobby’s and tried to say yes to Michael? I was the one that went and found him. Sam, I turned my back on my own kind to stop the apocalypse! Everyday I fought for my freedom to stop the certain doom the world was faced with! Everything I did was for you and Dean. Everything was to stop Dean from saying yes to Michael! Do you think I’m happy with the situation we’re in!?” Cas notices the expression on Sam’s face is hard and he’s not looking at Cas. No, he’s staring over his shoulder at the wall. “I didn’t want this to happen and ultimately what I first did, betraying the angels and their mission, was to prevent Dean from saying yes.”

 

Sam’s face is mixed with anger, confusion, and sadness. His eyes are still fixed on the wall and his arms are folded across his chest. He finally moves to sit on his bed, his arms falling down to his sides.

 

“I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean to blame you. It isn’t your fault it’s just,” he pauses to run a hand down his now tired looking face, “I should have been here to stop him.”

 

Castiel places a hand on Sam’s shoulder, offering a look of sorrow before letting go. He takes a step back and shakes his head.

 

“No, there wasn’t anything you could’ve done. Dean’s heart was set on saying yes. It doesn’t matter what you would’ve said or done, Sam, he wasn’t going to listen.”

 

Sam lets out a humorless laugh, and shrugs. “Yeah, well... Dean has always been stubborn and dead set on protecting everyone else. I mean, he could be controlling at times, but he had the best intentions.”

 

“He did, yes.” Cas smiles faintly more to himself than anything. Dean never meant any harm when he would get controlling.

 

“As much as I’ll complain about his cockiness and his _‘protective big brother thing’_ , I would do anything to have him and his personality back.” Sam says softly, then stands up. He walks out into the hallway with a quick “hold on”. He disappears and returns shortly with a stack of something in his hands.

 

Castiel squints at him, tilting his head a little.

 

“Dean keeps a few pictures next to his bed of us, Bobby, and our mom and dad. Figured he never showed them to you.” Sam holds the pictures out to Cas until he takes them. “He’ll kick my ass if finds out I showed these to you.”

 

Cas stares down at the photos in his hands, slowly going through them and admiring the photos. There’s some of just Sam and Dean, some with Bobby, and some with their parents. Another small smile forms on his lips. He misses Dean already.

 

Sam shifts awkwardly, a frown on his lips as he returns to sitting on the bed. Castiel knows there’s something Sam wants to ask so he carefully places the photos on the nightstand next to the bed.

 

“What’s wrong, Sam?” He questions and returns to his neutral expression. “

 

”What.. what exactly happened when Dean said yes? I mean, what did he say to you or did he just say it?” It looks as if Sam is regretting his decision and about to apologize for asking.

 

“It’s okay.” Castiel assures him, and Sam relaxes ever so slightly. “Dean asked Michael if they would have a chance at beating Lucifer... and I tried to tell him not to do it..”

 

Castiel thinks back to the moments right before Dean said yes to Michael. They’re painful memories that he doesn’t want to revisit, but Sam wants to know. He’ll go back there if it will help give Sam the answers he’s looking for.

 

***********************

 

“Cas, I don’t have a choice!” Dean shouts back at Castiel. He can see the worry all over Castiel’s face. He’s practically begging Dean not to be used as a vessel just with the expression on his face. It makes Dean’s chest ache. He doesn’t want to disappointment Cas, but there isn’t another option. Sam and Jack are in serious danger. Lucifer has to be killed and it has to happen now. This is the only way.

 

Castiel immediately feels like his chest might explode. He’s silently begging Dean not to do this. He doesn’t take his eyes off Dean. It’s as if Michael isn’t even there. He can hear Dean negotiating with Michael, making false promises and deals, and he has to stop him.

 

“Dean, this isn’t the way. We’ll figure something else out, but saying yes to Michael... it’s—“ Castiel is cut short by Dean fully turning around to face him. It’s easy to see the pain in Dean’s eyes. It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to say yes, but he believes he **has** to.

 

Dean shakes his head as he cuts into Cas’ words, “It’s stupid. I know. There just isn’t time to think of another solution, Cas. This **i** **s**  the solution.”

 

“This is a trap and you know it.” There isn’t any anger to Castiel’s voice. It’s quiet and the words are forced from his mouth. His eyes flick down to the floor to avoid the pain that is showing even clearer in Dean’s eyes.

 

It’s not surprising that when he looks back up Dean’s avoiding looking directly at him. Castiel knows that Dean can see the way he’s holding himself. His whole body is tense.

 

“Dean, there’s no time to wait if you want to save your brother and the kid.” Michael speaks up from behind Dean, a slight smirk on his lips.

 

Both Castiel and Dean glance at Michael, and Castiel hates him. The anger in him is burning, but Dean sighs and turns back to face Cas.

 

And Castiel hates it when Dean shrugs before saying anything else. “It’s not the first trap I’ll be in, Cas, and I promise that after we stop Lucifer I’ll come back.”

 

It’s another false promise. One that Castiel knows that Dean knows, but he’s trying to make Castiel feel better about this decision. It’s not working and it never will. This could be the last time he ever sees Dean, ever speaks to Dean... he can’t stand the thought.

 

“Dean...” he starts, but his mouth snaps shut as Dean takes a step towards him. There’s a look like Dean’s contemplating something mixed in with the anger and pain. Cas hopes it means that he won’t say yes.

 

Except Dean’s still walking directly towards him. A second later and he’s in Castiel’s ‘ _personal space_ ’ as Dean calls it. He looks up at Dean, showing the heartbreak in his eyes and confusion. Neither of them are saying anything. It’s silent and Michael isn’t even saying anything. Not that Cas would truly know. Right now he’s only focused on Dean. It’s like the rest of the world doesn’t exist. It’s only them standing here in each other’s personal space.

 

Castiel’s lips form a frown, but Dean’s form a sad smile. And Castiel thinks he sees Dean’s eyes flick down to his lips then back up to his eyes. No, he doesn’t **think**. He **knows**  that he saw it. It’s what he doesn’t know is about to happen that shoots nothing but surprise through him. It’s what will be his undoing and what will break his heart when he remembers what exactly Dean is about to do afterwards.

 

Dean leans down even farther into Cas’ personal space and his eyes are closing. Before Castiel knows it, Dean’s lips are pressed against his own. Castiel keeps his wide open for a second in shock. As soon as he gets over the shock, he closes his eyes and actually kisses back.

 

The kiss is gentle and loving. Dean’s lips are soft on his and Castiel loves the feeling. He doesn’t want to have to break apart, but then Dean is slowly pulling away from the kiss. Castiel’s eyes open just in time to see the way Dean’s flutter open.

 

“Cas-“ Dean says with a shakiness to his voice. Castiel can’t respond because Dean’s hands are cupping his face and pulling him into another kiss. This one isn’t like the first. It’s passionate and desperate. Cas’ arms wrap around Dean’s waist, holding him close. He doesn’t dare let go, not when he’s finally doing what he’s wanted to for so long.

 

Dean’s the one who breaks this kiss, too. His hands remain on Cas’ face, and he’s back to smiling a half broken and half happy smile. Cas wants to return the smile, but he just can’t.

 

“Dean?” Castiel questions as Dean’s hands disappear from his face. He’s slipping out of Castiel’s arms with the smile still on his lips. This time there are tears building in Dean’s eyes. Cas sees them as Dean steps back.

 

“It’s okay, Cas. And what you said during the fight with Ramiel-“

 

Castiel remembers Ramiel and the fight. He came far too close to dying that night due to being stabbed by the Lance of Michael.

 

“- when you said the ‘ _I_ _love_ _you_ ’ thing... the first one wasn’t meant for everyone, was it?” Dean asks being sure to keep eye contact with Castiel.

 

Cas swallows hard before shaking his head. He got so close to dying and he had to say it before it was too late. The words came out easily at that point. And Dean’s right about his words. The first ‘ _I_ _love_ _you_ ’ was for Dean and only Dean. That’s why he proceeded to say that he loved everyone else.

 

“No, it wasn’t. I-“ Castiel is interrupted by Dean chuckling. Cas frowns at the chuckle. What was funny about that? He’s only trying to explain.

 

“Yeah, I figured. Don’t worry about it, Cas.” Dean says calmly. It’s not the reaction Cas would expect.

 

Castiel stares at Dean with the same confusion from before. How long has he known that Cas told **him** that he loves him? Did he know right away when Cas said it or did he just now figure it out? It’s something he wants to ask. It’s already too late. Dean sends a blade through his heart, or at least that’s what it feels like.

 

“I love you too, Cas.” Dean’s voice cracks and the tears definitely slide down his cheeks as he turns to face Michael.

 

It all happens too fast. Castiel is in even more shock than when the kiss happened. Dean told him that he loves him.. it’s too much to understand. He doesn’t even get to say anything before Dean says yes to Michael. His eyes widen and he stares at Dean with horror in his eyes.

 

“Dean! No!” Castiel yells out and Dean turns back to give one last warm smile with the tears still trailing down his face. The sharp pain from before his back in his chest. This time it’s worse.

 

That’s the last Castiel sees of Dean. Michael’s previous vessel lights up and it just keeps getting brighter and brighter until it’s too much and Castiel can’t see Dean’s face anymore. He squeezes his eyes shut until the light fades away. The next time he opens his eyes, Dean is gone. The room is empty except for himself.

 

Castiel stares blankly at the spot where Dean was standing just seconds ago. He stares until he finds the courage to look around the room. The realization that Dean’s gone and he knows he’s not coming back hits. Castiel is completely wrecked. Dean was taken away right after confessing his love for Cas.

 

His hand reaches up and one finger slowly traces over his bottom lip. Dean has kisses him...twice. Now he’s lost him. The man he loves more than anything. He’s gone.

 

***********************

 

Castiel tells Sam the whole thing. He doesn’t leave out a single detail or word of the exchange. Of course it hurts to tell Sam about the kisses and how Dean confessed his love only seconds before letting Michael take over. He knows his voice breaks in the middle, but he pushes through it.

 

Sam’s looking up at him with sorrow. He’s deeply hurt by hearing about the moments Cas is telling him. He’s not just hurting because Dean is gone. No, he’s hurting for his loss and Cas’. He’s hurting from the whole situation. Part of it could be due to stopping Lucifer and thinking the world was a little safer, but now they have Michael on the loose. It could be just as chaotic if not worse. Not to mention that Michael is roaming around in Dean’s body. If Michael hurts anyone while using Dean as a vessel, then Dean will never forgive himself even though he’d have nothing to do with it.

 

As Castiel finishes explaining to Sam, he knows his expression is one of misery and the pain he’s been feeling since Dean left. He doesn’t fully cry, but the tears are still stinging in his eyes. They’re close to falling until Castiel blinks them away.

 

Sam takes a deep breath and rubs his hands on his thighs, fighting his own tears. He lets out the breath of air and stares up at the ceiling for a moment to compose himself.

 

“Did you know that he loves me?” Cas asks faintly.

 

“I... it’s hard to explain, Cas. I kind of suspected. You two always look at each other with a certain fondness. It’s not one friends give each other.” Sam answers, running a hand through his hair.

 

Castiel sighs, crossing his arms tightly against himself. How didn’t he notice? Maybe he did and he just chose to ignore it and brush it off. If Sam noticed, then Cas should’ve too.

 

Sam gestures for Castiel to sit beside him on the bed. He waits until Cas is seated until he speaks up again, “And to be honest, Cas, Dean’s tone always changed whenever he spoke about you. I guess there’s something else we didn’t tell you.”

 

“What is it?” Castiel questions with a little panic. He doesn’t know what Sam’s referring to. It could be something awful he wasn’t made aware of.

 

“After Lucifer uh...” Sam gestures towards him, but skips ahead. And Cas knows he’s talking about Lucifer killing him. “Dean was pretty messed up after that. He was kneeling by your body when I went inside to find Jack. He finally came in, but he didn’t want to leave your body.”

 

Dean stayed with his body instead of going in with Sam to make sure he wouldn’t get hurt?

 

“But why-“ He’s cut off by the shake of Sam’s head. Castiel doesn’t bother arguing. His question isn’t important.

 

“He made himself another hideaway in his head and hid there. The classic Dean way of ‘dealing’ with things. No emotions and calming to be fine. Eventually he snapped. It didn’t matter to him what happened to himself.” Sam stops to allow Castiel time to process what he’s been told so far.

 

The thing is that Cas hates this. He hates hearing about how hurt Dean had been during the time Cas was gone. All he wishes is that he was there for Dean.

 

“Anyone that knows Dean could see right through him. He was really depressed, Cas. He didn’t believe in anything. He said he didn’t believe in anything and wanted a big win. Shortly after that, you called his phone. You were talking with Jack when Dean told me that you were his big win.” Sam’s lips slightly form a smile for a brief moment.

 

Castiel had no idea how bad Dean was. He knows him well enough to have guessed it would’ve been bad, but this is beyond bad. It’s terrible.

 

Cas speaks quietly, but it’s still loud enough for Sam to hear. “I was his big win?”

 

At that question, Sam nods. This time there’s a bigger smile that manages to form on Sam’s lips. “The first case we worked with you when you came back... he was so happy. It went right from him never smiling, being distant, and just quiet to him being happy, hopeful, and the Dean that I know.”

 

The memory of Dean being so excited to work the case comes back to Castiel. He was so excited about everything western. His cowboy obsession showed a lot during that case. It made Cas realize how much he missed being with the Winchesters, and it was good to finally be with Jack.

 

“Sam, I love him.” Castiel mumbles sadly without looking over at him. It only angers him that he didn’t get a chance to say that more to Dean himself.

 

Will he ever get to tell Dean again? Will he ever get to hear Dean say it again? Will he ever even get to see Dean again? Castiel has to force his hope back. He’s doing it for Dean.

 

They’ **will** find him and get him back. That’s a promise Castiel is making to Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If only Supernatural would actually let soemthing like this happen.


	3. Prayers of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel, Jack, and Sam share memories of their time with Dean. Jack tries cherry pie. Castiel remembers something Dean gave him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does the bunker have a refrigerator? I don’t know, but it does in this fic! Enjoy the last chapter!

Sam takes a deep breath, giving Castiel a nod. It’s a slight nod and Sam isn’t smiling. It’s a frown that’s resting on his lips. He speaks simple words, “I know” in a soft and caring voice. If Sam knew Dean loved him, then it only makes sense that he knew Castiel loved Dean just as much.

Both of them sit in silence and eventually Castiel loses track of just how long they’ve been sitting here. He can’t seem to care. It’s Sam who finally stands as he clears his throat. Cas watches him stretch, but keeps silent. What more is there to say? Nothing.

“I’m going to go fill mom in on everything you told me. Unless...” Sam pauses and Cas knows what he’s trying to ask him. 

“Would Dean want her to find out this way?” Castiel questions even though he already knows the answer to that question. Dean wouldn’t want Mary finding out about him and Cas this way. He would want to be around and to be the one to tell her. Not his brother and not even Cas. 

Sam shakes his head, forcing a smile.

“No, he wouldn’t. I’ll skip over that part, Cas. It’s not my place to tell her about Dean and you. I’ll leave that to you two when we get him back.”

Castiel forces a smile of his own and nods to Sam’s words. He appreciates that Sam won’t tell Mary about anything of the private conversation he shared with Dean. Now he wonders if he shouldn’t have told Sam about it. Will Dean be angry with him? No, he would understand that Sam wanted to know **everything**  and it only seemed fair to give him the details. 

He watches Sam leave the room before he decides he wants to go to his own bedroom. Castiel steps into the hallway at the same time Jack quickly passes him. Where is he going and why is he in such a hurry? Is he going to try to find Michael on his own again?

“Jack!” Castiel calls out, but receives no answer from him. He follows Jack until he finds him in the kitchen. The kid’s looking in the refrigerator with a very confused expression that Castiel knows he wears right now, too. 

“Jack, what are you doing?” The angel asks, glancing at the open refrigerator door and back at Jack.  

Jack closes the door before turning to face Castiel with anger clearly visible on his face. “Dean would get beer when he was upset sometimes. I’m upset so I want a beer.” He speaks nonchalantly.

Castiel furrows his eyebrows, narrowing his eyes at Jack. He’s not sure to react to this. Jack’s has had beer before, but he shouldn’t think of it as a coping mechanism.. even if Dean sometimes uses it as one. 

Jack gets impatient and opens the the refrigerator again. He reaches for one of the beers on the bottom shelf, but he stops when Castiel’s hand is grabbing his arm. 

Cas gestures for Jack to move aside, and steps in front of the fridge. He reaches inside and grabs a piece of pie that’s closed in a plastic container, then grabs a fork from one of the drawers. 

“This was Dean’s favorite thing to eat. Well, he loved cheeseburgers and fries... but Sam could never the motels without bringing Dean back a slice of pie.” Castiel sets the container on the table and opens it.

Jack sits down in the chair directly in front of where Cas placed the pie. He tilts his head curiously at it. He’s never had pie. It smells good and looks good, though. He looks up at Cas and gives him a small smile.

“Did you ever have to bring Dean pie after you left?” Jack asks with the smile still on his face. He takes the fork from Cas and stabs into the pie, but he only stares at it.

Castiel smiles fondly thinking about when Dean would always mention pie. “Not really. Most of the time it was Sam who was forced to do it, but I did try to buy some. I upset Dean and went shopping for him. They were out of pie...”

Jack frowns as Castiel sits down next to him.

“But you needed pie to apologize to Dean. Did you tell them you needed pie?”

Castiel let’s out a huff, then rolls his eyes. 

“Yes, but unfortunately I had to leave before getting the pie. Let’s just say I had to talk to someone unimportant.”

“Did Dean forgive you even without you bringing him pie?”

Before Castiel can give a answer, Sam appears in the kitchen, and walks over to the table. There’s a small smile on his face as he looks between the other two. He sits across from Jack.

“Jack’s trying pie?” Sam asks with a semi-amused expression.

“Yes! Castiel gave it to me instead of beer.” Jack grins, then shoves the forkful of pie into his mouth.

Sam looks at Castiel, sending a confused look his way, but Castiel just sighs and watches Jack’s reaction to the first taste of the pie. It’s cherry flavored, and Jack smiles after swallowing the bite.

Jack shoves more of the pie into his mouth, clearly enjoying the taste. He isn’t even looking at Sam or Castiel. He’s focused on eating the pie. It reminds Cas of Dean eating pie. Both Dean and Jack seem to smile with each bite, and they both eat it too fast. 

“I guess he likes it.” Cas comments with a smile. One of the first real smiles since the Michael thing. 

“Yeah, I can see that.” Sam chuckles, leaning back in the chair.

After another huge bite of pie, Jack looks back over at Castiel, then looks across at Sam. 

“Will you tell me more stories about Dean?”

Sam sits up a little straighter before glancing at Castiel. Would talking about the past be a good idea right now with how they’re all feeling? It could be a good thing to distract them from the fact that Dean isn’t around, and help them feel better. 

Castiel nods towards Sam. Why not share with Jack some of the fond memories they both have with Dean from throughout the years. 

“Yeah, um...okay. Do you want to know about our trip into Scooby-Doo?” Sam turns to Jack, knowing how much he loves Scooby-Doo. 

As expected, Jack gives an eager nod, taking another bite of the cherry pie. He stares at Sam with wide eyes. 

“To make a very long story short, we brought tv to the bunker that had a pocketknife shoved into it. The pocketknife has a little boy’s spirit attached to it. It resulted in us all getting sucked into the TV and show ended up being Scooby-Doo. Dean was beyond excited to meet the Scooby gang.” Sam shakes his head as he remembers just how defensive Dean was about keeping it a secret that they were in a cartoon, and about keeping Scooby safe. “Everything about the experience made him so excited that he wouldn’t stop saying ‘ _jinkies’_ even days after.”

Jack grins to himself, finishing off the pie.

“I would’ve loved to go with you guys, but at least Dean had fun.”

Castiel nods to Jack’s words and Sam points across the table at him with a huge smile on his lips. He raises an eyebrow.

“Do you remember how many times you used to scare Dean? I was always stuck with listening to his complaining about angels.” 

Both Jack and Castiel narrow their eyes at him, then Castiel nods. He does remember how many times Dean would jump just from him appearing next to, behind, or in front of him. 

“Almost every time I would show up Dean would jump. He hated it, or maybe he hated the personal space issue more than the actual appearing part. Dean was always sure to remind me about personal space every time I would get too close.” Cas never understood why.

As if Sam reads his mind, he replies with, “Guess we know why for some of the time.”

Castiel feels his face heat up, and looks down at the table instead of at the other two.

 

***********************

 

The three of them sit in the kitchen for a while just sharing stories and memories about Dean, which consists of Dean and Sam jumping off a shed while dressed up when they were children. Castiel shared the memory of Dean bringing him to a brothel, but they ended up getting kicked out due to Cas. The two of them had a lot of fun that night. Dean was actually laughing and Castiel didn’t even understand what was so funny, but it was nice to hear Dean’s laugh and to see him so happy. He would do anything to have that Dean Winchester back.

Eventually, Jack tells them he’s tired and heads off to bed, but he thanks them first for telling him some of their memories. Sam and Castiel stay in the kitchen talking for a few minutes longer. He thinks the reason why they stop talking is because the more they talk about Dean, the more it’s upsetting them. They were fine for a while, but now it’s getting to the point of being upsetting again.

“We’ll start the research tomorrow and come up with a plan to get Dean back, Cas. I know I won’t sleep, but I’m going to go lay in bed. I’m exhausted and starting to feel like I may pass out.” Sam explains after standing up. 

“Rest is a good idea. Try not to think about.. everything and get some sleep. You need sleep if you want to be able to think clearly.” Castiel stands up after him, offering a concerned look.

Sam nods and gives him a pat on the shoulder.

“I’ll try, but no promises. You don’t sleep, Cas, but you still need your own rest.”

Both of them head to their bedrooms and bid each other goodnight before going into the separate rooms. It’s immediately back to being an eerie quiet that bothers Castiel, but he’ll deal with it while the others all get some much needed sleep.

He doesn’t know what to do with himself. It’s not like he sleeps. Resting sounds amazing, but just laying there isn’t something that sounds pleasing to him. 

Castiel sighs and looks around the room. He decides that laying in bed doing nothing is really the only option. Watching tv shows or movies isn’t even sounding like anything he’s interesting at the moment. That’s why he chooses the boring option.

As Castiel goes to climb into bed, he stops suddenly. His eyes catch the mixtape sitting on the nightstand next to the bed. It’s the one Dean gave him. The one labeled as ‘ ** _Dean’s_** _**Top**_ **_13_** _**Zepp**_ _**Traxx**_ ’. The one that Dean actually took the time to make for him. Castiel wasn’t even aware it was a gift at first. He tried to return it to Dean, but Dean wouldn’t take it back. He told Cas that it was a gift. 

He’s listened to it before and he loves every song on it. It’s been too long since the last time he’s listened to it, though. Thinking about listening to it now sends a sharp pain through him. Castiel would rather have Dean back than listen to the mixtape he made. The mixtape means a lot to him, but Dean means so much more. He knows this is one of the things that will help remind him of Dean, and that’s why he pulls the cassette player and headphones out from the drawer. (the cassette player that Dean gave him so that he could listen to the mixtape while in the bunker.)

Castiel sits on the bed, putting the pillow up against the bed’s headboard. He sits with his back pressed up against the pillow, and puts the headphones on. The extreme sadness is returning and he doesn’t care. He **wants** to listen to the tape. It’s the perfect way to pass the time, anyway. He’s not backing out of it now. 

Part of him relaxes as soon as the music starts playing and the other part wants desperately to turn it off, storm out of the bunker, and find Michael to demand he lets Dean go. Only he knows he can’t do that. Finding Michael without a plan would be beyond foolish. They know Michael won’t let them get to him easily. 

Castiel lets the sadness consume him more and more with each song that plays. Each song is mostly drowned out with his thoughts. The thoughts trying to plan how to get Dean back. He’s stopped paying attention to the music at this point. But he doesn’t miss the noise he swears is a prayer. Who would be praying to him? Perhaps he’s just tuning back into the music.

The noise only returns. Wait...not a noise it’s a voice. Cas knows that voice isn’t coming from the music. He quickly stops the tape and pulls the headphones off. Castiel closes his eyes to focus on the voice and what it’s saying. When he finally hears it, Cas jumps up from the bed. He can hear...it’s.. Castiel is frozen for a minute.

When he snaps back into reality, he swings the bedroom door open. It’s too hard and fast because it slams into the wall, but that doesn’t matter. The loud slam is enough for Mary, Jack, and Sam to immediately be in the hallway with him. 

Castiel’s hands are pressed to the sides of his head as he concentrates on the voice.

“Cas, what’s wrong!?” Sam is right there with his hands on one of Castiel’s arms, and Jack is on the other side of Cas. Mary moves closer, worry in her eyes.

Castiel slowly opens his eyes and glances at all three of them, but then turns to look at Sam with a wide eyes. 

The voice sounds broken and pleading and it hurts Castiel. It hurts him knowing this is _**Dean**_. He’s hearing Dean’s prayer and he can’t even respond to it. 

“Cas... I need you..” Dean’s voice is so quiet. It’s so desperate and pained. 

“Dean’s praying...” Castiel tells them with a shaky voice.

He doesn’t miss the hope that flashes in Sam’s eyes or the hope in Mary’s and Jack’s eyes. There’s still fear mixed in, but Dean is still alive and praying to Castiel. Dean can help them if he figures out that Cas is actually receiving their prayers. 

 

There **is** hope.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Later I’ll be going back and fixing the format of the previous chapters.
> 
> Also, thanks for reading this! It’s an open ending so maybe there will be a sequel. Let me know if there should be.
> 
> Supernatural returns with season 14 tonight, though!! We’ll actually see what happens!

**Author's Note:**

> This is meant to be a short fic and the idea just kinda popped into my head one night so...  
> This will be either 2 or 3 chapters.
> 
> I’ll get back to finishing my other fics soon.


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